I received this yesterday and Denise and I thought it would be cute to share...
Dear Dogs and Cats,
>
> The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain
> your food. The other
> dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note,
> placing a paw print in
> the middle of my plate and food does not stake a
> claim for it becoming
> your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
> pleasing in the
> slightest.
>
> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
> Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me
> doesn't help because I
> fall faster than you can run.
>
> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.
> I am very sorry
> about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on
> the couch to ensure
> your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in
> a ball when they
> sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
> each other
> stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also
> know that sticking
> tails straight out and having tongues hanging out
> the other end to
> maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
>
> For the last time, there is not a secret exit from
> the bathroom. If by
> some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the
> door shut, it is not
> necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob
> or get your paw
> under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must
> exit through the
> same door I entered. Also, I have been using the
> bathroom for years -
> canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
>
> The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other
> dog or cat's butt.
> I cannot stress this enough!
>
> To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the
> following message on our
> front door:
>
> Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to
> Complain About Our Pets:
>
> 1. They live here. You don't.
> 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes,
> stay off the furniture.
> (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
> 3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
> 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an
> adopted son/daughter who
> is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't
> speak clearly.
> 5. Dogs and cats are better than kids...they eat
> less, don't ask for
> money all the time, are easier to train, usually
> come when called, never
> drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using
> friends, don't smoke or
> drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest
> fashions, don't wear
> your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for
> college - and if
> they get pregnant, you can sell the children.
~*~Labluvr~*~
My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dogs already think I am.