this isn't a new joke, but I liked it and maybe we can post a few good doggie jokes here, just for fun...
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A thief walks into a house at night and shines his flashlight around. He immediately spots a stereo. As soon as he reaches it he hears a voice behind him say, "Jesus is watching you." He quickly shut his flashlight off thinking at first that someone had caught him, then after nothing happened, decided that he was hearing things and promised himself a vacation as soon as he made his next big robbery. He turned the flashlight back on and started to unhook the stereo. He heard it again. It said, "Jesus is watching you." He turned around to see a parrot in a cage.
"Did you say that?" he asked.
"Yeah" the parrot replied. "I was just trying to warn you."
"Shut up bird!" the thief told him.
"My name is Moses. Not 'Bird'," said the parrot.
"What kind of people would name a parrot 'Moses'?" the thief wanted to know.
"The same kind of people that would name a Rotweiler 'Jesus'."

Save a dog/Save a life. It only takes one good person.

Beware of Dog!

Upon entering a small country store, a stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside a harmless old hound dog was asleep on the floor besides the cash register.
He asked the store manager, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"

"Yep, that's him," he replied.

The amused stranger inquired, "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

The owner responded, "Because, before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

Save a dog/Save a life. It only takes one good person.

No one else going to post here?


Talking Dog:

This guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down.

"So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"

The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."

Save a dog/Save a life. It only takes one good person.

Monday's Joke:


There are no dogs allowed here:

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
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Save a dog/Save a life. It only takes one good person.

Tuesday's Joke:

A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners who he knew as being an unkempt housekeeper. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.

"Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.

She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them". He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes.

When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, "Here Soap! Here Water
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Save a dog/Save a life. It only takes one good person.

Thursday's Joke: (I was hoping someone else would join in here?)

Help Wanted
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual."

The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."

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Puppy breath--ya gotta love it!!

The jokes are really cute. I would post one, but i don't have any.. sorry

I like the, There are no dogs allowed here.

thanks! i'll keep posting as long as somebody is willing to read them....****

Puppy breath--ya gotta love it!!

thursday's joke:

Karate Dog


Harold's new job had him working really late. He decides to get his wife a watchdog. He goes to the pet store and asks for a doberman.

The employee said, "If its a guard dog you want I have a dog just for you." The man walks to the back of the store to get a dog and comes back with a little poodle.

Harold says, "This small thing, a watch dog? You're kidding, right?"

The employee says, "No, this dog is special; he knows karate."

"Karate? I don't believe it," Harold says.

The employee puts the dog down and says, "Karate the sign." And he points to a sign advertising dog food. The dog runs up and rips the sign to shreds. Harold is amazed at this. The employee then says, "Karate the chair." And he points to a chair in the corner. The dog runs up and rips the chair to shreds. By now Harold is convinced.

"I'll take him," he says.

When he gets home he surprises his wife and she yells out, "This little thing, a watch dog? No way."

Harold says, "But this dog knows karate."

"Karate," she yells. "Karate my butt!"

************

Puppy breath--ya gotta love it!!

Where do you get you dog jokes from ? They are very cute.

Hi Lace; Most of the jokes I get online and from people emailing them to me. I thought I would post some here for sheer entertainment. Sometimes the talks get pretty heavy and I thought a bit of humor might help, especially if someone has had a hard/bad day. I'm glad someone is reading them.

Puppy breath--ya gotta love it!!

How about a horse joke?

One horse walks up to another and says "Hi! What`s your name? Mine`s whoa d*%@ it."

"If your not in it for life, get a stuffed animal."

hahahaha Barbie....I like that one....got one for today?
I can't stay here long enough to post one...I'll have to catch up tomorrow. See ya'll then.

Puppy breath--ya gotta love it!!

I needed something to lighten my day. My great aunt died tuesday, she was 98. Thanks for the laughs. I'd post a joke, only I don't know any.

this one is funny in a warped sort of way::: the punch line makes it funny:



Vets are Expensive:

A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he laid the dog on the table, Dr. Buck pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the doc shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."

"What?", screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!" With that, Doc turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. The retriever went right to work, sniffing the poor dog on the table and checking him out thoroughly. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the retriever sadly shook his head and went, "Woof."

The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, which walked around the poor dog several times and then sadly shook his head and said, "Meow." He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room.

Then the veterinarian said, "There's nothing more I can do." He handed the man a bill for $600. The dog's owner went postal. "Six hundred dollars?!?! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!"

Doc shook his head sadly and explained, "If you had taken my word for it, the cost would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan ......."
************

Puppy breath--ya gotta love it!!

sunday's joke:

Does your Dog Bite?

There was a hound dog laying in the yard. An old man in overalls was sitting on the porch.
"Excuse me, Sir, but does your dog bite?", the tourist asked. The old man replied, "Nope."

So the tourist stepped out of his car. The dog ran over snarling and growling and bit him on his arms and legs. As the dog was dragging him away the tourist was flailing around in the dust and yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bit!"

The old man replied, "Ain't my dog."

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Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

Monday's Joke:
(figured we could all use a good laugh)

A Wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa and
> takes his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the
> dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund
> discovers
> that he is lost.
>
> So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading
> rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The
> dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!"
>
> Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and
> immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the
> approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund
> exclaims
> loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any
> more
> around here?"
>
> Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of
> terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees.
> "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had
> me."
>
> Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole
> scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and
>
> trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.
>
> But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard
> with great speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon
> catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for
> himself with the leopard.
>
> The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and
> says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that
> conniving canine."
>
> Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey
> on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?"
>
> But instead of running, the dog sits down with his
> back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... and just when
>
> they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says, "Where's that monkey? I
>
> sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."
>

*
What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.

DogBabi - They are really good. I think they could use some over in the breeders corner, too. Things sometimes get a little intense over there.

Hi AmPugs////mr pit bull's latest post...the movie works...i liked it...just thought I'd let you know...I don't know how to move it to the breeders corner, but i'd like to...they would like it too, i think...it was really cute with lots of doggie pics...let me know what you think, okay.

*
What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.