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Newba Pluba |
I am afraid of a few things: heights, airplanes, chlorinated water, spiders, clowns, ladybugs...but the thing that scares me most is kids.
I am not worried about if I will make a good mother, I am sure I will, I had a great example. I am worried about everyone else. I believe the worst pain a person could ever feel is the pain of their children, or of losing a child. How does a person protect their child from hatred, violence, rapists, murderers, school shootings, drugs, etc? Hiding them from it doesn't do any good because they will just be more vulnerable when they do face it. How do you decide who to trust your child with? I was molested by a trusted family friend when I was young. That may have a little to do with my fear. But a lot has to do with the violence and hatred I see every day on television, in public places, everywhere. Last year there was a huge bust in our area. I wish it had been drugs, instead it was child pornography. The scariest part was that these people saw children every day. There were social workers, child and day care workers, a police officer, a nurse, a teacher. These are people that we teach our children to obey and trust! Murder, molestation, rape, kidnapping, are these things happening more often, or are we just hearing more about them? There are parents murdering, torturing, and raping their own children. I won't even get started on the Church. There is no penalty harsh enough for someone who chooses to hurt a child. I believe fear is a good thing because it keeps us alert, but not if it consumes. Once I have children, I know I will constantly worry, any good parent will. But do I really want to bring an innocent child into this world? |
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Newba Pluba |
Thank you. I am lucky to live in a small community where most people know each other. Unfortunately our murder and suicide rate is extremely high, however our kidnapping rate is low. I wonder if this is a good thing?
When do you teach your kids about sex? Any child over 10 and you may be too late in our community. We have a fairly high rate of kids having babies, thankfully most of them choose to stay in school and keep the baby. |
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| <LAURAANN>
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I WONDER WHY A SMALL TOWN WOULD HAVE SUCH A HIGH MURDER RATE AND SUISIDE RATE.I ALWAYS PICTURED A NICE SMALL TOWN TO BE GOOD AND CLOSE NIT.I THINK THE AGE TO TALK ABOUT SEX DEPENDS ON THE MATURITY LEVEL OF THE CHILD BUT THE SCHOOL TAKES ON THAT ROLE AT THE FOURTH GRADE.AT THAT TIME IS WHEN THEY INTRODUSE SEX EDUCATION.BUT I HOPE THAT DOES NOT ACTUALLY MAKE THE CHILD WHAT TO EXPLORE WHAT THE TEACHERS ARE TALKING ABOUT.I REALLY DONT KNOW IF THAT IS A GOOD IDEA.IT MAY BE THE FIRST TIME A CHILD HEARS OF SUCH THINGS LIKE MAYBE FOR A SLOW MATURING PERSON OR IT MAY ACTUALLY HELP AN EARLY BLOOMER.i MYSELF HIT PUBIRTY AT THIRD GRADE ,BRAS AND BIG PADS,(HAD TO USE MOMS)IMAGINE A THIRD GRADER WALKING AROUND IN A BRA AND WEARING BIG PADS BETWEEN THE LEGS.IT WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE!I WAS A VERY EARLY BLOOMER.DO YOU HAVE FAMILY IN ANY OTHER AREA?DO YOU THINK IT MAY HELP IF YOU MOVED TO A DIFFERENT AREA, SOMEWHERE THERE IS NOT SUCH A HIGH MURDER OR SUICIDE RATE?tHE AREA I LIVE IN HAS A HIGH TEEN DRINCKING RATE.I AM THINKING ABOUT MOVING TO A DIFFERENT AREA MYSELF TO PROTECT MY KIDS.I DO HAVE A FEAR OF THEM HAVING FRIENDS THAT WOULD PUSH THEM TO DO THINGS THEY SHOULDNT OR WOULDNT WANT TO DO.i MYSELF DONT DRINK OR SMOKE SO HOPEFULLY THAT WILL HAVE A BEARING ON THEM.HOPE THINGS GO WELL FOR YOU.LAURA
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Newba Pluba |
LAURAANN, I am not sure why our murder and suicide rate is so high. One was a robbery gone wrong, the victim was a drug dealer/bootlegger and distant relative. Another was a 16-yr old (a friend of mine) killing his mother's abusive boyfriend. Another I can remember that happened recently is a man killing his wife of 50 plus years for "nagging" him. These are all within 5 years and in a community of 1400 people.
The suicide rate is also high, my brother just lost two of his friend to suicide within a year. We also have a high drinking rate. We have a 3 to 1 ratio of bars to churches. As bad as our little town may be, I still love it here. It definitely beats the gangs, drugs, and high rate of pregnancy and high school drop-outs the towns around us boast. I think any town will have its trouble, at least I know this one and can find ways to keep my kids safe. Most of the problems come from parents who don't care where their children are. I was also an early bloomer. I went straight to bras while the rest of my class didn't qualify for training bras, I didn't even know what a training bra was! I thought I was dying when I got my first period. Obviously I didn't have the "talk" early enough. Actually I never had it. I have family scattered everywhere, unfortunately I don't know any of them. My parents are great but they don't talk much with their relatives. Thankfully they didn't spend their time stuck in bars like most of my relatives either. They are both from big families, my dad is the youngest of 17, my mom is the 2nd youngest of 7. Their parents died when they were young. Actually, I barely remember my grandpa on my mom's side, but she was raised by her older siblings. My dad doesn't get along with his family, most of them aren't pleasant people. Our family has always been small and close-knit. This suits me just fine, but I probably wouldn't have been so shy if I would have had more human interaction as a kid. |
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| <LAURAANN>
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Kari--- Yes you are right ,every town has there problems,and you know your area.I would be afraid to move because I do know my town as well so it makes it that much more harder.But I think to myself if there are just the right ways to do things then I will try to find them and pray evrything will be ok.Well good luck with your future immediate family if and when you deside to bring them into the world.We could only do what we know and think is right and good for our families.Good Luck--Laura
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| <mother4ever>
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I think that you all are missing the picture here. I am a Mother of three grown children and a Grandmother. Yes It is scary thinking of what your children face everyday, when you aren't around. But you teach them respect for themselves and other people. You teach them right from wrong, from the start. and you teach them the love of God. Put your life in his guidence. Teaching children right from the start,let them know that they can always talk to you and that you will be there for them. We all make mistakes along the way, but pick your self up and go ahead. Life can't be hid from. and Raising children is such an up lifting, giving time to experince. I am a mother and God meant for me to be. Put your faith in him,about your decision.
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| <jen91804@hotmail.com>
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Keri-Sorry to hear what happened to you when you were younger. On the point of becoming a mother, Im not one but would love to be. Live your life day by day,if you get pregenet then worry.I think that if you worry to much now you will never have childern. My fiancee thinks the same way as you, he now is dead set aginst having children. Im also from a small town in Ky for some reason there is more violence down there then where I live now {in a big city.} Every thing will be okay!!!! Jennifer
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| <redrockcastle>
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You could do like me......I'm 43, never had kids, but have all kinds of animals...LOL...it works !
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| <Whitefish>
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Being a mother is one of the most rewarding experiences you will ever have in your life. True, there will be many heartaches, but it will be worth it. Teach your children while they are even in the cradle, that they have a loving Heavenly Father who loves them just as their earthly parents do. Teach them from the time they are babes to pray unto their Father in Heaven. The greatest gift you could ever give your child is to help them to develop a close loving relationship with their Heavenly Father. Teach them by example. Let them see you on your knees in prayer. Take them to church with you from the time they are born. Don't just drop them off at the door, be there with them. Let them know of your love for your Heavenly Father and your desire to worship him and his son Jesus Christ.
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| <nancylowe>
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been there done that. kids were fun, but in the end, they took away what life I had. Im 44, divorced, kids are on their own. If i had to do it over, I would just be a loner and have a few puppies to care for.
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Newba Pluba |
Yeah, whenever people ask when we are going to have kids, we tell them that our dogs are enough right now! We are young and have more than enough time to think about children. I think I will eventually want children. I respect and admire someone who can put so much faith in God. And maybe I am being selfish about being afraid to have children. I don't want to bring a child into the world and have them hurt or lose them. Maybe I could be one of the first people to live on the moon?
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| <rene>
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what the point of living if you cant produce children? I see a lot of you substituting dogs for a child. I am pretty surprised to think that many of you think they are interchangeable.
wow have this countrys values changed. |
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Newba Pluba |
Rene,
I understand what you are trying to say here but the way you worded that implied that if you cant Produce children then you have no reason to live. There are plenty of people unable to have kids.Then there are some people who absolutely do not like kids.There are also people who should never have kids. I think they still have the right to live. If people want a puppy instead of kids then that is their choice to make.Noone is saying they are interchangable, they are simply supplying their opinion. I am not trying to offend you at all but that is how I saw your post. Keri, I completley understand you being worried about bringing a child into this world with all that can go wrong. My 6 month old nephew was beaten to death by his father. There is no way to teach a child about that. On the other hand, having a child is one of the most rewarding experiences that a woman will ever have! I have 4 kids. You just have to teach them right from wrong. Teach them how to be self reliant and responsible.Make rules and punish them if they do not listen. Things can happen to anyone at anytime. That is a risk you take by driving , flying or even just walking down the street. Having children is a risk but I would not trade it for a thing!!! Visit my yahoogroup for moms. http://geocities.com/escapeformoms/ |
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Newba Pluba |
Thanks Jen, that is good advice. I am not ready to have children yet, for all I know I may not be physically able to have them. But I know for sure that I am not yet mentally or financially ready for a child. Maybe I never will be, but that will be my choice.
I can not imagine ever regretting having a child, or hating your child, but I know that it happens. Hopefully I will never feel this way. I love animals, and many people do treat their animals like their children, there is nothing wrong with that. Some of us just feel more comfortable sharing our love with animals, than with children or other people. I have always been more comfortable around animals. I can comfort and nurse an orphaned animal when I can't bring myself to hold a human baby. rene, this country's values have changed. Some for the better, and some for the worse. We all make our little dent in life, whether we produce children or not. |
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| <LisaGibson>
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I understand the bad thoughts that run through your mind. You're pointing your mind directly in the "Negative" path.
There is MUCH more bad things happening to not only children but to adults as well. No one is safe from these evil people, Yet there are ways around them. I had 3 different men at 3 different times in my life whoe've tried to malest me and/or kidnapp me. (Ex-Californian) My parents told me that If ANYONE touches me other than a friendly hug or hand shake to run as fast as possible. If they did or said anything bad to me to run and tell either her or my father. We always had a password if my mom couldn't pick me up at school. She would tell a friend the password. I was thought to run if a car slowly followed me and or stopped near me. You have to realise you can't be afraid of the world. Being afraid of the world will only make your life miserable. Anyway's If you keep a short leash and a close eye on your child you can't go wrong. My children are both fine and know to SCREAM HELP STRANGER! If anyone should happen to grab their arm or touch them. My Son know's to call 911, (He's 5yrs old) He knows to poke his thimbs into a person's eye's if they grab him, I told him to bite scratch and do whatever he has to; To get away. and He knows to avoid stranger's. (I even avoid them) I panic if I walk alone at night. |
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| <Anna Lahtinen>
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You know what. God protects, really. He is also an excellent midwife. His Son Jesus is also a Great Protector. The answer to fearless living is Jesus. Men are bad, the whole mankind is awful. (We think we are so good.) But when we turn from our sins and repent and ask Jesus to come into our heart, we turn to different person, who does not harm other human beings, animals or anything. Living with Jesus expels fears, because He is always there ready to help us in our problems. I really recommend Him to you.
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| <Unhappy>
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this entire thread is pure crap!! should be removed.!!!
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| <captain980>
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this fear grows in the basis of insecuritiy in your self.. you dont trust that you are in control of your self much less have control of your life enough to help you child when they come into this world....
let go.. some where you have to know that you cant control everything.. or even most thigns.. the only thing you control is your self and your action... you have control over influence both positive and negative.... yes this issue stems from deep in your childhood when you were taken advantage of and put into a place of non control.. im sure in youtr life you have things in perfect order.. and if not you get upset... ( i know its a judgement.. but its more of a guess opion) most of us. fall back on god.. realizing that there is no way possible for us to hold on to life so tight and still be sane indiviuals.. trust... you dont hav eto trust me... or anybody else but if you do so carefully you will find its a more rewarding world out there ... it holds more that just simple obligation to trudge through life hoping to survive safely on the other side.. and reap the rewards... good luck.. i dont mean to preach , but it is my opion based on experience.. that god is as real as you le4t him be... consider the bible as an answer source! |
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Good Pluba |
Kari,
I became pregnant at the age of 17, married his father after he got out of the Marines, and couldn't have been happier. Not long after we were married the physical abuse started.I was pregnant with twins and lost one during a fight with my husband. 4 miscarraiges , a broken nose, and a string of other broken bones and a broken heart later I got out. There were times when I would have gladly put a gun to my head to get out of all the madness.But I was a mother, I couldn't do it. My son is 5 now, he teaches me things about myself everyday that I never knew.I am the weakest person I know, he made me strong in many, many ways. My son has changed me, why can't he also change the world in his own way everyday? Teach your kids everything you can, never lie to them, never hurt them, protect them, and always respect them.Don't talk to your child like he's a child.In todays world they are older than their years, they have to be! Talk to them like an adult, not a baby, let them know this is the real worls and to a certain extent let them know how it works. I can only hope and pray you become a mother, you would be a great one, and your child more than likely will turn out to be far better than you, or his daddy.Just let him/her know from an early age there are only two roads to take in life, the hard one or the easy one, and be sure to point out who is on the hard road and who is on the easy one.By the time he/she is grown they will have already had a ton of examples! The hghschool kid that he/she thought was sooo cool when he/she was in grade school will see what happened to the highschool kid long before they actually make it to highschool! I have already decided that the first time I hear anything about drugs from my son or his buddies I am taking them straight to the closest dealers house I know of, I will gladly give them the money to go get whatever they want, but their going in bythemselves and by God they will stay there.I want my son to know about drugs and dealers and all the evil in the world, I want him to know ( in case I die tomorrow) exactly what I am against and what I think is no good, this is what I want him to work against when he is grown! The best thing for kids is living examples.I try to make an example out of everything.The drunk infront of the liquor store walking out with his bottle, walking home, and what is that? He's smiling? See, this man has his liqour, and he is satisfied with just that, a bottle that will be empty in a matter of hours,nothing else matters, no family, car, job,nothing but a damn bottle, same thing with druggies.They pretty cheerleader or football player behind the school smoking pot, see if they even graduate? We had all kinds of straight A students hit highschool and go hog wild, withen the first couple of years at highschool they were ready to drop out, and they did.Straight A students, there's another example. You care, so already you are ahead of alot of parents who ALREADY have kids. I see a group of 10 year olds or so , riding our street on bikes, a FOUR LANE road, where are the parents?? Be open, honest, and talk, talk alot, have a good relationship with your kid.Know that you will always be there, and its not the mistakes that you or your child makes, its what you learn from them, what you get out of the experience. It is 3 in the morning and I think I'm darting all over this page so I will go now, but stop with the worries, lol.Have a child and better the world with him/her!You may have a President, lol! |
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