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Newba Pluba |
Okay, I need some help. I was molested when I was 16 by a trusted family friend, he was in his mid-forties at the time. I lived an extremely sheltered life, my parents loved me and they stayed home with us kids instead of hanging out with friends or going to bars. I didn't like to leave the house and was extremely shy. I had never even held hands with a boy, much less thought about it. This man is sick and disgusting and he took away my innocence. I was finally able to tell my bf and my mother about it after five years. I couldn't tell my father because I couldn't bear to hurt him, but my mother told him.
The reason I finally told was the fact that this man has three grand-daughters. Not to mention other people who see him as a friend and trust him to be around their children. People like this only get worse and it is so much easier to manipulate a trusting child. The oldest is about 9-10 and is related by marriage only. What do I do? I was going to tell the girl's step-dad (this man's son), but I went to a cousin for advice and learned that the girl's step-dad (and her cousin, not mine) had molested her when she was 9. He was maybe 13-15 at the time. He also molested his sister. I plan to tell the wife of the person who molested me, even though I don't think she will believe it. I also need to tell the mother of the two girls. I know she loves them, but she has proven to be an unfit parent. He has custody of both girls, even though the oldest isn't his. I need to tell him, but what if he is molesting them? I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but after seeing the pain in my cousin's eyes and finally understanding why she tried to commit suicide and run away, I can't trust him. After more than 16 years of living with this horrible secret, she was finally able to tell her mother. I would really appreciate any advice. How do I tell someone that their husband/father is a monster? |
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| <Whitefish>
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Please see a councilor or church clergy for some guidance.
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Newba Pluba |
Thanks, I tried talking to a counselor, but they didn't seem to know what they were doing. The clergy is a good idea.
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Newba Pluba |
My mother works in the county courthouse, so she has easy access to all of this info. Unfortunately, he has absolutely no marks on his record. The police have started a file on him now based on my complaint, so if they even see him with a child, they will stop and see what is going on. And now his family knows, so even if they don't believe me they will have their doubts. I just didn't want him doing the same thing to his son's adopted daughter.
I wish I had said something to my parents right away, but it is not an easy thing to tell people and I was a scared kid. I just hope that by saying something now, he won't get away with it again. |
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| < Maria>
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Hi Kari...
I think you need to stop worrying about what is the politically CORRECT thing to do . Stop worrying over who you are going to embarrass. Or hurting anyones feelings... You have a real opportunity to stop the evil that is probably happening to these kids, Instead put your self in the shoes of those children. They have NO voice... They have NO choice... What would you want if you were them?? I am sorry for your pain, You are special, no matter what has happened to you. I wish you all the BEST in life... Sincerely, Maria |
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| <LisaGibson>
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KARI what you need to do is possibly become a speaker about what happened to you. Go to school boards and see if there are people there who can help you get started.
A motivational speaker and my mother helped me out alot. The woman was confident of what happened to her, Not meaning it to sound as if she was happy or thrilled about it.. But She wasn't afraid anymore and she had so much confidance due to the children she could be possibly saving. Just something to think about. Also talking to a psychologist/counselor can help ease your mind and pain. I'm sure your emotions are scarred. In time they will heal. Though it is hard to trust anyone. I'm still afraid of men who look bigger or stronger than I am. |
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| <DogBabi>
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kari: don't. let sleeping dogs lie.
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| <Molly>
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Kari:
I am a Sexual Abuse Counselor. First know that what has happened to you is not your fault in any way. Second- You were right to report what has happened to the police. Third - Let me suggest a book for you to read. It's called "Courage To Heal." It will probably be somewhat expensive to buy but your local library will probably have a copy. I am sorry that your counselor was unsure of haw to handle the situation but please if you were unhappy with her/him seek out another, or call your local women's abuse shelter. Most of them will offer free counseling if they have a counselor that is trained in handling sexual abuse issues. My prayers are with you. Molly |
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| <lisa>
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Kari:
Okay, I need some help. I was molested when I was 16 by a trusted family friend, he was in his mid-forties at the time. I lived an extremely sheltered life, my parents loved me and they stayed home with us kids instead of hanging out with friends or going to bars. I didn't like to leave the house and was extremely shy. I had never even held hands with a boy, much less thought about it. This man is sick and disgusting and he took away my innocence. I was finally able to tell my bf and my mother about it after five years. I couldn't tell my father because I couldn't bear to hurt him, but my mother told him. The reason I finally told was the fact that this man has three grand-daughters. Not to mention other people who see him as a friend and trust him to be around their children. People like this only get worse and it is so much easier to manipulate a trusting child. The oldest is about 9-10 and is related by marriage only. What do I do? I was going to tell the girl's step-dad (this man's son), but I went to a cousin for advice and learned that the girl's step-dad (and her cousin, not mine) had molested her when she was 9. He was maybe 13-15 at the time. He also molested his sister. I plan to tell the wife of the person who molested me, even though I don't think she will believe it. I also need to tell the mother of the two girls. I know she loves them, but she has proven to be an unfit parent. He has custody of both girls, even though the oldest isn't his. I need to tell him, but what if he is molesting them? I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but after seeing the pain in my cousin's eyes and finally understanding why she tried to commit suicide and run away, I can't trust him. After more than 16 years of living with this horrible secret, she was finally able to tell her mother. I would really appreciate any advice. How do I tell someone that their husband/father is a monster? |
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| <lisa>
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carterl@ntelos.net
I was molested by my biological father at the age of 5 years old until I was 16 years old.I could not tell anyone because he said he'd kill me if I told anyone.When I turned 16 years old I got married,just to get away from him.I was 18 years old before I could tell anyone and the person I told first was my grandmother and she didn't believe a word I said,her and I were close until that day.The point I'm trying to make is you are taking a chance of alot of people not believing you,especially the ones that you want and need to know.I am 36 years old now and it has been a rough road and I'm sure it has and is one for you also.People like you and I are "SURVIVORS" and my advice to you is to let bygons be bygons.I know that is very hard to do.Believe me,in the long run he will pay.If I were you I'd talk to the children who are in his custody,if you close to them they will confide in you and tell you,just be careful how you approach them,they are children.You could star out by saying;how is your Dad treating you?"...."Do you and your Dad play any games together?"(if this ans to be yes,ask what kind of games?Things like this are easier for child and for you to get to the truth to see if it may be happening to them.I hope this is of some kind of help to you.Please feel free to e-mail me and I'll try to help you in any way I can.Good Luck to You. LISA |
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Newba Pluba |
Hey
Hey Hey -- --Be who you are and say what you feel: because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. -- |
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| <Yippy>
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What are you up to Key?
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Pluba Understudy |
This is not a place I'd recommend for advice. See a doctor if you really need help.
I haven't seen anyone on here with credentials for giving this type of advice. Most people here are into breeding and animals. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. It's a small world, after all. |
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| <****>
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quote: ditto |
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Grand Pluba |
quote: I disagree. I have known people who have gone to clergy for help/advice and what they got was damaging. You said counselor's didn't know what they were doing...keep searching until you find one who does! It will make a tremendous difference for you. As for "letting sleeping dogs lie", this is ridiculous. Letting them lie will only cause other children to be hurt. Go public and understand you will have people turn on you in some cases. Stand firm. The worst is over and this person cannot hurt you anymore. Now is the time to fight back ... you are not helpless anymore. You are strong and I am sure can be a force to be reckoned with. Keep searching for a strong counselor/therapist. "A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself." |
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Newba Pluba |
quote: Let an unknown person tell them. You might be opening a big can of worms if you do this yourself, unless that is your intention. There are all types of people that will be mediators in such cases. See advice from a licensed counselor first. JMO |
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| <been there>
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i was 6 when it happened, i blocked it for many years. it has haunted me for over 30 years. this monster had a major impact on my life. my self hatred has cost me, jobs, a potential wife and peace in my life.
if your strong enough and it will not harm you, remind that inhuman monster that someone out there remembers what he did and is watching if you really believe for a minute he might be dangerous, protect yourself first and foremost, find a friend for protection and have a come to jesus talk with this prick if you figure out how to get him out of your head, share with me. i need to know how to battle my demons |
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| <Done IT Already>
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anyone who needs this type of help, needs to see someone quailifed. this place isn't qualified for this type of advice. Please consider that you are on a talk board with a group of unknowns and half of them are batty, so look at what you are really asking for.
Read some of the posts, they will amaze you with their incorrect advice and information and all they ever want to do is fight and bash anyway!! Go someplace respectable. This is the trailer park of talk forums. Get it? |
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| <agree>
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quote: i agree |
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