What makes children behave so differently than they have been taught?
My husband and I have always not only taught, but lived as responsible contributing members to society and family. I kept close watch over my boys and brought them up in Church. In their childhood they would not even play with anyone that misbehaved.
As each one enterred their mid teens we began to have problems with them - educationally, morally, and legally. At this time 1 of the 3 has a GED. The oldest dropped out of high school altogether. The youngest is working on his GED. All three are in legal trouble - shop lifting, burglary, public disorderly conduct. The youngest is still in his teens.
Both my husband and I come from very stable educated families. We never expected to have any difficulties with any of our children, let alone all 3. Neither one of us had ever even spoken with a police officer until our children got into legal difficulties. Now, we know all about lawyers, court rooms, visitation, etc - all new experiences for our families.
Well meaning strangers advised that children learn by example, take them to church, etc. Little do they realize that our families have always lived like that.
The children themselves can't seem to explain why they do the things they do. My husband and I tried to be the best parents - supportive, encouraging, and disciplining with love. Yet, we know couples that left their children alone, never took them to church, never got involved in their academic or social lives; yet, their children are just wonderful.
If just one of our children had problems, we would be supportive but not feel guilty. As it is my husband and I constantly re examine our lives and try to figure what we did wrong.
We are happy for the successes of other families, but it hurts so deeply to know that your own children are wasting their potential.
I guess there is little anyone can say. It just needed to cry a little. We don't hope for "A"s anymore. My husband and I just pray that the daily mail or phone do not bring news of further legal problems of our children. Needless to say, we are just emotionally drained.
I'm sorry about your children and I do feel empathy for you as I've been reading your post. I don't have an answer for you, but I don't believe you have done anything wrong or need to place any blame on yourselves. Children naturally rebel. It makes me think about the many times when I've heard about the preacher's kid being the worst one in school, etc. I never had kids of my own, but I was a kid once and I did pretty much raise my younger sister, who is 13 years younger than me and I had a lot of the same problems with her. She just liked for me not to be able to figure her out. She kept me guessing and she knew the difference between right and wrong too. Kids are a lot smarter than a lot of adults give them credit for and they don't miss much, as hard as we may try to conceal things from them...they are great at reading between the lines. I think sometimes things have to be (or seem to be) at their worst before they can get better. I'll say a special prayer for you and your family and I know someone on here will be able to help you. Be comforted in the fact that you have done your best and have done everything right. Keep your chin up, just as some days are diamonds and some days are stone, things will get better.
***************************** DOGS are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
I too don`t tink you did anything wrong as parents. You did all you could to teach morals and respect but with todays society there is soooo much peer pressure and expressing yourself that I think a lot of times it has gone to the extreme. Your children made their choices. They are still making choices. They have a choice to do right or do wrong. If they wake up and do the right thing then who knows what they can become (the sky is the limit) but if they do wrong, well looks like court will decide their fate and they will have to take it like an adult. Not your fault, they have made their decisions. About all you can do is tell them you love them.
"If your not in it for life, get a stuffed animal."
Posts: 569 | Location (City, State): North Carolina | Registered: Wed July 09 2003
