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<BlyndedByLuv>
Posted
Is it possible to love someone too much? I have lived a very hard life and up until about a year ago I've done nothing but make wrong choices when it comes to men. Finally, last August, I met someone who has changed my life. When I first laid eyes on him, I didn't think this was a relationship that was going to work out, because we were so opposite. I feel I have my sh*t together, he is still trying to find his place in the world. I take responsibility for my life, he lives day by day, going from job to job......but the way he treats me, unlike any way I've ever been treated before in my life. I am so mentally and physically attracted to him it's not even funny, and it has me so blinded. We broke up in March because I caught him cheating on me, oh he says that he wasn't but I caught him at this girls house and he stayed there for four months. Well, back in August he told me that he was completely miserable without me, and he wanted another chance to make things work. Now this is a guy who has screwed up his entire life, he's lied, cheated manipulated, he's even been in jail.....his own mother has told me that he has never done anything responsible in his life, until he met me. He held down a job, he helped take care of my home, raise my kids, and took care of me. He and I are like carbon images of each other, me being the "good one." Anyway, I gave him a second chance but I told him that I did not want him moving in with me, that we were going to take it slowly this time, since last time we moved way to quickly. Now during the time that we were apart, he began screwing up again, didnt adhere to his probation, didn't hold down a job. I know that you are all probably reading this and thinking I am completely nuts, but I have to tell you that when we were apart, I felt like I didn't belong, like I was walking in someone elses life, in someone elses shoes. The pain was unlike anything I had ever felt before. I couldn't even function.

Now we are back together and I don't feel that horrible loss anymore, and when we are together I feel like this time it was meant to be, unlike the first time when I had my doubts. And when I am with him I can feel the love he has for me, but my experiences with being hurt by every man that I've been involved with leaves me lacking in the trust department. When I'm with him I have no doubts, and he hasn't really done anything to show me he shouldn't be trusted, but I love him so much that I am so completely terrified of losing him again. To be honest, I dont' think I'd make it through another breakup. I have never felt more loved and more complete with him, and at the same time more terrified. Am I crazy? Is this love or is this obsession? His mother, his family, and his friends tell me that I am the one thing that makes him want to do the right thing with his life. He is a screw up, but I really think he wants to change that for good. I have told him that I will not expose him to my kids, who were also hurt very badly by our breakup, nor would I allow him to move in with me until he gets his crap straightened out. He said he loves us and that he will do right by us. I hope he's right and by not allowing him to move in with me keeps him at arms length, so maybe if he doesn't turn his life around the hurt wont be as bad. That's a lie, it's gonna be bad either way cause I love him so much. I know most of you will probably think I'm nuts to even give this guy a second chance, but I have never had a strong feeling about someone like I do him. I really feel like we are soul mates. Thanks for letting me unload.
 
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<Dr. Phil>
Posted
"Is it possible to love someone too much?" Yes!!

"Am I crazy?" quite possibly
"Is this love or is this obsession?" [B] obsession...and he makes you feel worthwhile, needed and necessary for him to survive. You sound very insecure and you sound afraid that no one else will have you, but they will. You are living your life thru him or rather, thru helping him get his life together. For this guy, you are no more than a stepping stone. I'm sorry but if it were true love, he wouldn't have been able to go and live with another female for 4 months and he wouldn't have even considered it. You didn't say why you two broke up before.

Suggestion: Buy the book entitled "women who love too much" by Robin Norwood. You can get the book for as little as $5 at Amazon.com and it's well worth getting. Another book i suggest is "men are just desserts" by Sonya Friedman. Both of these books will help you see where you are at in your life and why you are the way you are. Read them both carefully and more than once is a good idea and then you will know if you actually love the guy or it's just a faze and you'll know the same about him.
 
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<Gotta love Dr LAURA>
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by BlyndedByLuv:
Is it possible to love someone too much? I have lived a very hard life and up until about a year ago I've done nothing but make wrong choices when it comes to men. Finally, last August, I met someone who has changed my life. When I first laid eyes on him, I didn't think this was a relationship that was going to work out, because we were so opposite. I feel I have my sh*t together, he is still trying to find his place in the world. I take responsibility for my life, he lives day by day, going from job to job......but the way he treats me, unlike any way I've ever been treated before in my life. I am so mentally and physically attracted to him it's not even funny, and it has me so blinded. We broke up in March because I caught him cheating on me, oh he says that he wasn't but I caught him at this girls house and he stayed there for four months. Well, back in August he told me that he was completely miserable without me, and he wanted another chance to make things work. Now this is a guy who has screwed up his entire life, he's lied, cheated manipulated, he's even been in jail.....his own mother has told me that he has never done anything responsible in his life, until he met me. He held down a job, he helped take care of my home, raise my kids, and took care of me. He and I are like carbon images of each other, me being the "good one." Anyway, I gave him a second chance but I told him that I did not want him moving in with me, that we were going to take it slowly this time, since last time we moved way to quickly. Now during the time that we were apart, he began screwing up again, didnt adhere to his probation, didn't hold down a job. I know that you are all probably reading this and thinking I am completely nuts, but I have to tell you that when we were apart, I felt like I didn't belong, like I was walking in someone elses life, in someone elses shoes. The pain was unlike anything I had ever felt before. I couldn't even function.

Now we are back together and I don't feel that horrible loss anymore, and when we are together I feel like this time it was meant to be, unlike the first time when I had my doubts. And when I am with him I can feel the love he has for me, but my experiences with being hurt by every man that I've been involved with leaves me lacking in the trust department. When I'm with him I have no doubts, and he hasn't really done anything to show me he shouldn't be trusted, but I love him so much that I am so completely terrified of losing him again. To be honest, I dont' think I'd make it through another breakup. I have never felt more loved and more complete with him, and at the same time more terrified. Am I crazy? Is this love or is this obsession? His mother, his family, and his friends tell me that I am the one thing that makes him want to do the right thing with his life. He is a screw up, but I really think he wants to change that for good. I have told him that I will not expose him to my kids, who were also hurt very badly by our breakup, nor would I allow him to move in with me until he gets his crap straightened out. He said he loves us and that he will do right by us. I hope he's right and by not allowing him to move in with me keeps him at arms length, so maybe if he doesn't turn his life around the hurt wont be as bad. That's a lie, it's gonna be bad either way cause I love him so much. I know most of you will probably think I'm nuts to even give this guy a second chance, but I have never had a strong feeling about someone like I do him. I really feel like we are soul mates. Thanks for letting me unload.


You should call Dr Laura. She would tell it to you straight. But I'll try. You and your boyfriend are both messed up. You both need counceling. I might add that the very thought of letting a man move in with you and your children with out any committment, as in a marriage license, is not only morally wrong, but unfair to your children. What do they learn by that? They learn nothing about committment, loyalty or trust in a relationship. Not only that, but I've heard it said and I've read it alot and I also firmly believe that a child deserves two parents, a man and a woman who are committed to each other and to that child, as well as two parents who honor and obey God, and teach their children to do the same. Go call Dr Laura.
 
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<Dana>
Posted
I guess it all depends on what the guy is on probation for.

Talking to dr laura would be no different than calling up a psychic...both are a waste of time and money/effort!!

I think I'd move on to better and better. Sometimes the grass is actually greener on the other side even though you might not be able to see the forest for the trees.
 
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Kerack
Exceptional Pluba
Posted Hide Post
Well, this may sound stupid and you may not believe me due to my age, but I was engaged to a guy for about a year and we had been dating for about a year before then. He was sweet as pie, and I could find only small things wrong with him. (Like he has worse ADHD than I do, so he can't watch a whole movie) Lol. I loved the bastard. He always seemed to want everything to go right, but then he went to jail for a speeding ticket, and then everything went down the crapper. He started sleeping with other girls and crap, so I ditched his ass. That was about around the end of August or something. Do I still love him? Yes, at least I know that I will for the near future. Would I ever go back to him? HELL NO! Lol. I've had two other relationships that the guy cheated on me, and those were the only relationships I've ever had with guys. Oh, also, I had met a guy that I started dating, and I really started to like him, and some pain started easing up, and then he cut all connections, and when I finally got ahold of him he told me he found a new girlfriend. So needless to say, the only males in my near future are going to be ratties. Because, yeah sure, they smell sometimes, but at least they have a sense of shame, and keep themselves well groomed. They won't cheat on you, and they love you unconditionally. Oh yeah, they don't burp (they can't at all) and they don't fart in public, another plus! Lol.

~*No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care*~

http://www.angelfire.com/psy/chic-k-rat/index.html

~*Rats will always be your best friend, even if you don't have treats.*~
 
Posts: 6325 | Location (City, State): Pennsylvania | Registered: Wed August 06 2003Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
1049
Newba Pluba
Posted Hide Post
Time is the only thing that helps to heal us. Time does not take away the memory or all of the pain, but it does help to ease it. I am living proof of that.
 
Posts: 27 | Registered: Tue September 02 2003Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Little Johnny
Good Pluba
Picture of Little Johnny
Posted Hide Post
You can't love me too much.
 
Posts: 1278 | Registered: Tue October 07 2003Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Whisper
Pluba Freshman
Posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Dr. Phil:
"Is it possible to love someone too much?" _Yes!!_

"Am I crazy?" _quite possibly_
"Is this love or is this obsession?" [B] obsession...and he makes you feel worthwhile, needed and necessary for him to survive. You sound very insecure and you sound afraid that no one else will have you, but they will. You are living your life thru him or rather, thru helping him get his life together. For this guy, you are no more than a stepping stone. I'm sorry but if it were true love, he wouldn't have been able to go and live with another female for 4 months and he wouldn't have even considered it. You didn't say why you two broke up before.

Suggestion: Buy the book entitled "women who love too much" by Robin Norwood. You can get the book for as little as $5 at Amazon.com and it's well worth getting. Another book i suggest is "men are just desserts" by Sonya Friedman. Both of these books will help you see where you are at in your life and why you are the way you are. Read them both carefully and more than once is a good idea and then you will know if you actually love the guy or it's just a faze and you'll know the same about him.


The book Women who LOVE too much is avery helpful book IF the reader can take the info and use it. My dearest friend is a well-educated, counsellor, college professor with A huge blind spot when it comes to an ex husband. She spent 4 years waiting for him to "come to his senses" and come home. She was in therapy and had read that book BUT it offered her no help-she was not ready! She had multiple plans for ways to "end all the pain" but all of them included how she would leave notes that would get him good! Well, he married and she still hung on to the idea that he would come home--didn't happen and finally she decided she deserved better and has gotten more counselling. She now can at least admit to herself that she was OBSESSED with him and not IN LOVE with him. Being in love is not the same as loving someone.
I do not know if you can relate to any of this but TRY TO SEE THERE IS A WAY TO GAIN YOUR SELF LOVE AND RESPECT and you do not need validation by him or anyne else!! Good luck in your search for peace..
 
Posts: 531 | Location (City, State): central Md. | Registered: Sat June 21 2003Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
<captain980>
Posted
im gonna keep it short...

life needs to have balance everything we spend time effort and most of all (things we say we love) have to have balance in the ways that we make descisions.. regarding previous said subject... balance...BALANCE when you think about this man.. and the amount of "love" does he think and feel it back... when you put this man in you life.. and show your "love" does he show it back...to the same degree? the amount of time and effort overall need to balance.. does loving pull other parts of your life out of balance..example: family.. does he pull you away from your family either passive or agressively? does he put in financially the same as you... ? (balance)if he is not you may want to check the motivation of his efforts.. are they money driven? i could go on and on but im going to sum it up with this... this issue of balance has a known radius of 360 degrees.. and should fit into every spectrum of your life.. no excuses.. and if you find yourself making excuses for this man (or women for others) you have to ask your self why? what ar ethe motivations i have.. do they stem from an unfortunate incident i had as a child.. and am i letting it change my life for the better or worst?

how to be wise? what is wise? being wise ; is to gather all the information bnefore making a judement! and making sure that it wont come back to haunt you later, either short term or long term!....
good luck.. im full of boloney anyway!

oh captain my captain
 
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