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| <Rayna's Poms>
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Tina, contact the Department Of Disabilities and Special Needs. Ask about a service coordinator to be assigned to your family. They do not interfere in your family. They are not Social Services, which can be extremely invasive. A service coordinator will let you know what services are available for you and your child. They want to help you with any area that is a hardship. They will have the right connections to others in your situation and ideas to make his hearing loss easier to accept.
Good luck and God bless. |
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Good Pluba |
I am sorry Tina. I wish I could say that I know what you are feeling, but I don't. I don't have children. I am not saying that hearing aids are not a big deal, but in the grand scheme of things, you and your son could have it a lot worse. He could have been born disfigured, blind, or much worse. Try to focus on the positive things about your son. In the meantime, I hope you find someone to talk to that can relate to the way you feel. Good luck to you.
~*~Labluvr~*~ My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dogs already think I am. |
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Grand Pluba |
Well, considering "tina" is unregistered and apparently hasn't been back since the initial post, I'm not going to go into a long discertation here, but I also have a son who had a to wear a hearing aid as a young child. Tina, if you'd like to discuss it, please post again as I don't want to waste my time if you aren't coming back.
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| <tina>
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I'm back, i guess i don't know what else to say, I'm very happy that my kids are healthy and i know i'm lucky to have only this issue with him, but it makes me feel like crap, I am not one to feel sorry for my self, but I just need to talk about it and then get over it and help him move on.. my husband is a great listener but what can he say, he sayes it will be fine, and it well, but It is so hard to accept.. I thought i accepted it 2 years ago, why do I feel like this now????? I would love to talk to you about hearing loss and learn more Crystalk... thanks tina
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Grand Pluba |
Okay, Tina. Now that you've come back I consider you legit and I'll tell you my story. My son was born 2 months premature. We didn't know about his hearing loss until he was about 10 years old. Our major concern was an eye problem. We thought he had what we called a "lazy eye". When he got tired or sick his eyes would sway from side to side. To be more specific, he eyes drifted, each eye going easty westy...
After several trips to Riley Hospital for Children in Indy, we were informed that he didn't have a "lazy eye" His problem came from brain damage due to lack of oxygen at being born premature. They told us there was nothing we could do. They said he "might" outgrow it, but the chances of that were slim. When he was in kindergarten, his teacher told me during our first parent/teacher conferences that I should send him to a school for the deaf because in her opinion he was "retarded" I came unglued and almost punched her lights out. We took him to an audioligist and he was diagnosed as mildly/moderately deaf in one ear and he was prescribed with a hearing aid. He was prescribed in the other ear as being just mildly impaired. To put it in perspective, 25 percent in one ear, 15 percent in the other. Now I realize this isn't the same degree as your child... In comparison, my son was like going into the 5th grade when this happened and kids are much crueler at this stage of their lives. He was mortified. As was I. I went through a horrible time with him...He "broke" his aid several times and I know it was simply because he was so embarrassed to have it he conviently "lost it", and "broke it"... He also was singled out. He had to sit in the front row in his classroom so he could "read her lips" as she spoke. He had to do this in ALL classes. Every teacher had to make sure she faced the class as she spoke so he could "see" what she was saying. Yes, he was picked on. Yes, he was singled out, and yes he was ridiculed. But you know what? It made him a very strong person. Today? His is 28 years old. He had a great job and makes almost $100,000 a year. He owns his own home (with an inground pool no less).... He wanted to join the military...they turned him down because of his hearing loss. After 9/ll, he tried every single military avenue. They ALL turned him down. Don't ever make your child feel as though he is less than adequate because he can't hear. He's a very special child and I'm sure you already know that, but just make sure he knows that as well. |
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Grand Pluba |
Oh, and on another note? Thank your lucky stars you have "fm's"... when my son was in school, there was no such thing. They didn't exist. You should consider yourself lucky and stop whining...
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| <tina>
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Thank you Crystalk.... I guess knowing that my feelings are normal, and that it will take time to fully get over the shock... I am at loss for words right now, as your post was real helpfull in more ways then you know..... Thank you
 ps... my little guy wants to be an Army guy, since he was 4........ |
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| <tina>
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I wasn't whining, just needed to see if my feelings were normal, i come from a very wealthy family where their are no medical problems and no problems in general, so when i talk to my parents now all they say is " He will have a good sorce of income when he grows up" we will make sure of that...
so in other words they have no real feelings twords what my family is going through... they think all is fine with money.......... |
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Grand Pluba |
They are adorable!
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Pluba Freshman |
Hi Tina, I don't have a child who is hearing impaired, but I do have one disabled. He is 11 and has high functioning autism. I felt just as you did for the first few yrs. Why me, why do bad parents have non disabled children, and my pity party lasted a good few yrs. There were even times I felt as if I was not doing the best for him and would pray to God to take my life. I would rather die than be a bad parent and fail him. But, I realized one day that EVERYONE has a cross to bear and this was his and mine. Every person in this world has something, you may not see it on the outside but it's there. Just know that your son was given to you for a reason and you are the perfect mother for him. What your feeling is like going through the grieving process that we all go thought, but some deal with it differently. I was like you, I had a long pity part. Just try and learn all you can about your son's impairment and become a fighter on his behalf. I started out with a child that would not even let me hug or hold him (which feels like rejection) and from research and early intervention I now have a young boy that is my best friend. He's intergraded with normal kids in a normal school and gets straight A's and is on the honor roll. One thing you MUST do for the sake of your son is learn your right's! You would be amazed at how much the school can do for you, but you have to know your rights because more times than not they are not going to tell you. Get very involved and be sure you have everything he needs in that IEP and they follow it. There are wonderful organizations to help ARC is one and if you let me know what state your in I will get you links. These are people who do not work for the school system and will help you fight for the rights of your son. Early intervention is the key and you can do it. It's not fair and it sucks, but it's what you've got and you have to make the best of it and better. You're son has something that is truly unfair, but you can change this into something positive and he will grow up to be someone amazing.
Jenniffer Scardina Prairie Dog Care & Advice Cell#(931)284-1611 http://geocities.com/prairiedoginfo/rescue.html      |
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| <Rayna's Poms>
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Tina, Crystal and PD Jenn have shared their experiences. It helps to hear about others. One thing that does bother me is that someone once told you that your son was retarded and belonged in a school for the deaf. I don't know what that person's background is, but they are wrong. Our school is a special school for the most profoundly physically and mentally disabled. There is also a local school for the deaf and blind. To qualify for the deaf and blind school, the deafeness or blindness has to be the child's primary disability. I know that your son is not mentally impaired, but even if he was, that person was incorrect. The deaf and blind students are not mentally impaired or only slightly. We have several students in our school that are deaf and/or blind. They do not qualify for the deaf and blind school due to thier significant cognitive delay.
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| <Rayna's Poms>
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There is also a local school for the deaf and blind. To qualify for the deaf and blind school, the deafeness or blindness - sorry that was supposed to be deafness not deafeness. I guess that is what I get for not logging in and being able to edit -
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| <tina>
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I am in wisconsin.. and thank you everyone, I will get as much info as i can and things will be ok..... I'll be more positive... plus Patric(my son) is a great kid, and i love him tons.....
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Grand Pluba |
Rayna, without going back and reading everyone's posts, I am assuming you are referring to the experience I had with my son. I guess I should clarify, she didn't come out and say she thought he was retarded, but did imply it. She most definitely suggested sending him to the school for the deaf which in our area happens to be on the same campus as the institute for the mentally retarded. Who was she? His kindergarten teacher and I was told this during a parent/teacher conference. She was a very young teacher, but I was so angry I yelled at her, stormed out of the meeting and reported her to the school principle. Nothing was ever done. 6 years later when my youngest son entered kindergarten, he was initially assigned to this same teacher. I tried to get another teacher for him, the school refused. I ended up moving just to be in a different school district.
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| <Rayna's Poms>
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Crystal, I am sorry that you had that experience. That teacher was obviously not certified in special education nor in people skills. You did well to report what she did. Placements are decisions made by a team of people (parents, teachers, psychologists, administration, therapists, etc.) Placement decisions are made after recommendations, testing, evaluation, etc. To single handedly suggest a placement is egotistical and way out of bounds. If she had those suspicions, she should not have started with the parents. She should have taken her questions to a special education committee. The follow up would have been to request your permission to test, observe, and evaluate. Placement would be made with those results and the input of the people that I mentioned earlier.
I am used to being sure that every i is dotted and every t is crossed with regards to due process. Everyone that I work with is soooo professional. No one would ever consider making such a thoughtless callous comment. I have heard of situations on these boards before with regards to impropriety and lack of preparedness in special education instructors. SC might be considered behind in some areas. But our special education programs are exceptional. |
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Grand Pluba |
I totally agree with you Rayna. What she did and the way she went about it was totally wrong and inappropriate. What made it worse was the school's lack of concern when I did report her. Now, in all fairness this was over 20 years ago (1982), and a lot has changed since then. But I'll never forget it. Last I knew, which was about 10 years ago, she was still teaching. I can only hope she matured in her dealings with parents. I know at the time of my ordeal, there were other parents who were unhappy with her classroom practices for a variety of reasons. She had a lot to learn and hopefully she did.
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Very Good Pluba |
This doesn't really have anything to do with the thread, but I've realised how lucky I was to grow up in a smaller school. In my old school, no one EVER got picked on. I mean EVER. Now in this bigger school, I see people getting picked on all the time. I can't STAND it. I'll get right in someone's face for saying something cruel to someone who is what they call a 'nerd' or a 'special needs' kid or for whatever other reason they might be picking on them. I have ADHD (extremely severe at times) and I remember when I first moved to this school, I was honestly the kid that the little pricks threw snow balls at and called retarded (I have a 131 IQ, so they were way off, but it still hurt!). Well, a few years later, and everyone that knows me respects me because they know that I wouldn't take it when they picked on someone else like kids used to pick on me for being new. Hell, when I moved, the teachers all thought I was retarded because I NEVER did any work. Well, my mom made them give me the IQ test. That sure slapped all of them in the face! Anyways, I just don't understand how people can attack others for something soooo petty. I mean, hell, even adults attack other adults and even kids for stupid stuff like being gay or black or whatever. Anywho, Tina, you shouldn't be ashamed of your son. He may be hearing impared, but trust me, if someone has a little less in one area, they've got a whole lot more in another area. Mentally retarded kids can be the most beautiful people in the world. I've got a deaf/blind dog that's so damn smart and loveable, that I'd prefer him over a 'normal' dog. They're only different because they're superior in another way. They were SUPPOSED to be that way, because he's got something else that must be more important than hearing, otherwise, he wouldn't be hard of hearing/deaf.
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| <tina>
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that was so nice to hear,Kerack.. thank you... I know my so is normal is my eyes... thanks again....
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