Pluba Home | Pluba Forums | Pet Classifieds | Pluba Community | Pluba Chat
|
Go
|
New
|
Find
|
Notify
|
Tools
|
Reply
|
|
Newba Pluba |
OK,
I'm new at this message board thing, I'm grasping!! (if you want to reply directly my personal Email is jeffnbud@yahoo.com) I'm better on the phone so I'm going to put my phone number down if any wants to call to discuss too. 239-498-3188 Here is the deal, I have to give an account review at a company meeting of my top 5 accounts (it's in front of 15-20 people). I have been successful at avoiding any and all types of public speaking my whole life up to this point. I have done it all! Changed colleges, quit good jobs! And even faked emergencies in order to leave before it's my turn to speak! Etc, Etc. but I can't think of a way to get out of this one and it's freaking me out. I love my job and do very well at it (expecting to win presidents club this year. I'm not trying to brag btw, just want you to know I do well at it)! It is mostly over the phone and through Email but I occasionally have to informally speak in front of a customer. This is half way ok as I guess it's usually informal and short and to the point. My job pays really well, but I seriously would quit before getting up in front of my co-workers and trying to give a presentation! This sucks! The things I've read here are encouraging but I don't think they'll work for me. I feel like I have the worst case of this affliction EVER! I like the Toast Masters suggestion as it sounds like a way for a freak like me to overcome this problem, but I need a fairly quick fix! (presentation due 08/18/2003) Anyone want to give my presentation? I'll pay you what ever you want!! The person who said Beta blockers would help, Can you give more specific info. on this? Any help will be appreciated. Thanks in advance, jeffnbud |
|||
|
Pluba Freshman |
Ok, just so you know, I am the EXACT same way. I dont have a job for the very reasons you stated. First, you need to get some help. I am serious. See an anxiety therapist. Wouldnt it be great to not have this fear? You really can overcome it. This doesnt help with this particular case, but if is causing you to quit jobs, it is controlling your life.
Now that I have said that, I have not gotten help, but I know I should. So technically I cant give you any advise, because nothing has worked for me, but I will give you some advise my therapist gave me. From now until the meeting, picture yourself at this meeting. Everything from the morning you wake up, to when you drive to work, to when you walk in the room, ect. Walk yourself through the days events. When you are picturing these things, BREATH. And breath very calmly. The minute you feel your heart racing or you feel you start to get nervous just thinking about giving the presentation, stop. Think about a place where you feel totally relaxed (on a deserted beach for me). Once you have calmed back down, continue with your presentation. If you do this a couple times a day until the presentation, you will feel much calmer when you actually do it. You will have trained you mind to think you WILL feel calm while doing this. Now this is assuming you actually do go through with it. If all else fails, have a couple beers before you go in to work. (only kidding ... kinda). There is also supposed to be an herb called Kava Kava that helps with anxiety, but it also has some bad side effects (but so does every other drug). I wish I could help you more, but I dont even have a job because of this crap. Your one up on me there! But it sounds like you do definitely have Social Anxiety Disorder, and you need to get some help. Keep us updated on your plans for your presentation. I say GO FOR IT! Good luck :c ) |
|||
|
|
Newba Pluba |
Thanks for the words of encouragement NakidDog! I have read some things online that give me a little hope. I'm heading to the bookstore shortly. I'm going to pick up some books on this topic to see if they can help. I am also planning on visiting a doctor very soon to look further into these "Beta Blockers" that I've read about. I'll try anything.
The thing that erks me is that up until I found out we had to give major account presentations I was really looking forward to the damn 3 day meeting! We have some fun things planned too and it gets me out of the office for a bit. The thing is besides this debilitating fear of speaking in public I'm actually pretty out going and generally very happy! It just sucks that now this (presentation) is on my mind day and night until it's over! I know it's silly and life is too short to worry about something this minor but I just can't help it! I'm just going to fight my way though somehow I guess. jeffnbu |
|||
|
|
Newba Pluba |
Jeff, I know how you feel. I hate getting up in front of people to speak (especially in front of my peers) It all stems from an incident back in junior high school. I also have social phobia and panic attacks. I even left teaching for awhile because of the panic attacks which were occurring whenever I walked into the loud, crowded and noisy cafeteria! Right now, I am taking meds when needed and practicing relaxation exercises with my counselor when I am able to go.
In addition to what has been shared, something that has helped me at times in the past when I have had to speak in public in front of my peers, is telling myself that I have something important to say and that others need to hear it. I would tell myself that I was capable of doing this and that I would do this because I had something important to say. I tried to be prepared as much as possible, and I visualized myself going through the speech in front of people successfully. I also asked myself what would be the worse thing that could happen, and then I told myself, that I could live with this worst case scenario. It was not the end of the world and others had the same fear. Another thing that I would do to relieve the tension when I was doing presentations in front of parents, was to admit that I was a little nervous and this seemed to help all to become more relaxed. I also started doing poetry readings at a local library to give myself practice speaking in front of groups, and worked on slowing down in the presentation, making deliberate efforts to make eye contact with a few people in the audience who had pleasant faces, and this seemed to help. One other thing that I would do was to think of something rewarding or special that I would do just for me, if I came back satisfied with the speech. I hope that things go well for you. [This message was edited by Cheyenne on Mon July 21 2003 at 07:43 PM.] |
|||
|
| <Heather>
|
I would also strongly recommend Toastmasters to those of you that want to work on public speaking. It is scary to go to your first meeting and then to give your first speech, but it is a very supportive group. Many, if not most, of the people there will feel the same way as you. It is also inexpensive, and you can work at your own pace. In the beginning, there are smaller roles that you can volunteer for if you do not feel ready to give a speech (such as introducing a vocabulary word to the group or telling a joke). Good Luck!
|
||
|
| <Jan T>
|
One little thought I live by. Remember the last big room you walked into? Before, you brushed your hair, smoothed your shirt, made sure your zipper was up. Then you walked in, in front of all those people, and they all looked at YOU. You finally got to your seat, sat down and thanked God you were there and safe. Then you notice a sorta nice looking guy walking into the room and you watch every one admire him as he goes to his seat. But as he gets closer you see his zipper is down and part of his shirt tail is out of that zipper. Oh you feel so bad for him, how embarrased he will be when he discovers his state of dress (or undress) But your last thought as he sits down is THANK YOU GOD --that was not me.
The jest of this story is no one really cares about Your zipper being down we are just too worried about our own zipper. So if it is your zipper that is down, just remember the last thought they will have is "Oh my I am so glad that is not my zipper!" Jan T |
||
|
|
Pluba Freshman |
Jan T, how very true! I once had a professor that said everyone was basically self-centered. Of course we all disagreed. Then, he said,"The next time you look at a group photo, remember whose picture you look at first."
 Abortion Stops A Beating Heart |
|||
|
| <Me>
|
I also have a really bad fear of speaking. I don't like school at all because of it, because I feel like the teachers don't understand. They probably don't anyway, because they are teachers after all they must like to talk in front of people. They probably think it is easy to get over the fear and that everybody in the room likes to talk. I think they force people to read papers and stuff out load just because they don't have anything else to teach so they want to waste time by forcing people to do things they don't want to do. I know one of these days she is going to call on me, then all eyes will slowly shift to me as my voice comes out to answer. I feel like everyone is laughing in thier heads, and I bet they will turn to their friends and snicker at me. Hmm just wanted to tell everyone that!
|
||
|
| <Robyne>
|
Hi..,
After reading all the messages about fear of speaking.., i have much to say.., however the first of them is to X out any form of medication. Numbing your precense is not going to help the situation. In many cases medications will make your speaking gig worse. The way i look at it.., speaking in general is going to make anyone feel butterflys and the like. You are not alone. You can however make it work in your advantage. I simply dont want to make an issue of fear, so i will keep my words to a minimum. Its important to have a passion for what you speak on. Act as if these people in the audience are either one, your best friends who enjoy hearing what you have to speak on, or two, these people really want to hear what you have to say. As far as mistakes and the fear of making them while your up on stage--the important point to remember is that no matter how hard you try to prepare for the unknowns they are always going to be awkward. Therefore be in control--just like on the streets, at work, at the gym, at home, while trying to get away with something or trying to hide something a flower for your loved one. Act like you know what you are doing, even if you dont and everything will be ok. When i am up on stage and i make a boobo.., i just work with it and the people know you are only human--have fun up there. In many cases when i make a mistake up on stage it generlly works out on stage. Nothing like a little vigilance and newness added to your presentation. I hope this has helped some with their speaking fears. Robyne www.thespeakingroom.com |
||
|
|
Pluba Freshman |
quote:The things I've read here are encouraging but I don't think they'll work for me. I feel like I have the worst case of this affliction EVER! Jeff....first thing that strikes me about your posting is that you have already made up your mind, whether consciously or unconsiciously, that advice from others or solutions to your problem from others is not going to affect you in a POSITIVE++++ way! Okay, if outside help is not the answer, try looking inward!. Self-hypnosis training or meditation are both very personal self-help aids and you might want to start there..... Now, from the outsider,, if you have numbers, lists, etc to discuss, elaborate on or whatever, could you possibly have handouts printed? The audience could follow them even as you do and you have notes right in front of you. I find that numbers can be the most difficult topics to retain anyhow so your peers might benefit from having the visual aids...you certainly will... Another suggestion..do not overload on coffee or caffeinated drinks or choc. donuts, etc....they can increase your physical response. Can you imagine (or as in self-hypnosis transport) yourself to the most wonderful, relaxing place you have ever actually visited? Those things have worked for me in the past. Please let us know how the presentation goes/went and GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!Meds can also help(that is the old RN coming out in me...LOL) |
|||
|
| <Mary>
|
To Jeffnbud: Some suggestions that might help:
Can you do a powerpoint presentation and dim the lights? Eyes are not really focused so much on you that way. |
||
|
|
Newba Pluba |
Jeff, I have the same problem, too. I have skipped out on presentations and taken F's just to get around my fear of speaking in front of people. I have quit college numerous times because of this, although I will finally graduate in June of this year. (I bypassed all classes that require public speaking and even changed my major). It afflicts all aspects of my life. I can feel your pain and nervousness. I am wondering how your presentation went.
I am also writing a paper for school on this topic (social anxiety, fear of public speaking) because it is something I know a lot about personally and I want to learn more. Would you or anyone else reading this be interested in answering a few questions? It can all be anonymous. Thanks, and I'll check back later. |
|||
|
| <james>
|
It's encouraging reading the messages on this board. I'll tell everyone a little bit about my journey.
I can remember feeling uneasy in front of a group as far back as preschool. During our preschool graduation, I had to be coaxed out on stage. In 7th grade I was nominated for class president and would've won, except I chickened out, when we had to debate in front of our class. In 8th grade I was thrown into a speech class, and managed to survive, but lost alot of sleep every night before we had to give a presentation. I shook noticeably, sweated and went into almost a transe, where I couldn't remember what I said. After this I tried to avoid public speaking situations, although I did manage to get through a reading at church, a couple of recitals in French class and a presentation or two in my English class. Sometimes I would decline to do a presentation and do a paper instead and take a C. I was a good student and in Honors classes, which required me to be a bit more outgoing, but I had a hard time. We were transferred to California my Junior year. I had the opportunity to attend an exclusive prep school in Monterey, but the fear of failure and inadequacy stacked up to rich and successful kids made me feel insecure, so I blew yet another opportunity. I started skipping classes my senior year and would show up only to take the exams. Public speaking was controlling my life. I skipped my own graduation because I was terrified of getting up in front of all those people. I graduated and went to college. I majored in Journalism. After my third year, the thought of public speaking so terrified me that I dropped out of college to go work on commercial fishing and crab boats in Alaska. My dad, which was an officer in the Air Force, which I considered to be infallible, came to visit me at school and pleaded with me not to quit. He spoke to me about some of his fears in the military. He, as a young lieutenant often times had to get up in front of Generals and give de-briefings, lectures to other officers etc. He told me this made him nervous, but he got through it. He couldn't reason with me. It was too late I already had made up my mind. Constant work and very little sleep day in and day out was how I hid from my fear. It was always on the back of my mind. I knew I was capable of offering the world so much more, but the fear of speaking was greater than my fear of dying at sea. I stopped fishing back in '98 and tried to assimilate back into the real world. I wanted to invest in real estate, so I started paying for and going to real estate seminars. Before each one, we always had to introduce ourselves. I barely got through my name. I started working in Real Estate and by 2000 the fear and anxiety of having to do any kind of public speaking overwhelmed me. By January of 2001 I was back on a fishing boat. By the Fall of 2003 I was beside myself. I was standing out on the deck of the boat, brutally cold and stormy, talking with a shipmate. I said I've failed. I'm capable of so much more, but I've failed. I told him, I envisioned having a wonderful wife and kids by this point in my life, 31 but somehow I had failed. He told me that Jack London worked on a boat in Alaska, Hillary Clinton, during college, worked in a cannery. I thought to myself, they made it why can't I. This inspired me. I have a purpose in life and it's more than catching fish. I stopped fishing last November and started work as a loan officer, this past month. We have a training seminar tomorrow, so more than likely we will have to stand up and introduce ourselves. The thought terrifies me. I've been pondering joining Toast Masters, which my Dad suggested to me in college. I made it to one meeting. This time is different. I have a meaning and purpose like never before. I will conquer this fear, just as I conquered the sea. I've been reading Tony Robbins and other self help books. I'm determined to fail, but I'm also determined to pick myself up afterwards and succeed. I'm a work in progress. I need to be molded and refined a bit, but I'll make it. Am I scared, yes. I was also scared, the first time I stepped foot on a crab boat headed for the Bering Sea in the middle of winter. Somehow in life, we find a way to get through it. A couple of years from now, I hope to be standing before a group like this telling how I conquered my fear of speaking. I think it would be wonderful to help people break through that imaginery glass ceiling and fly freely. It must be a liberating feeling. Soon I will see. |
||
|
| <Tim J>
|
So much of this sounds familiar. I too had (yes had!) the fear of speaking in public, to large or small groups. My hands used to tremble uncontrollably, I use to sweat, and my voice used to quiver.
I found out in 1997, after working at my job for a few years that my company had a Toastmasters group already. I joined and have never looked back since! THIS WAS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME!!! As I have read on this board, people are looking for the quick fix. I believe you need to grow gradually and at your own pace, which is what Toastmasters is patterned after. They start you out on your first speech talking about something you know a lot about, YOU! The group is very supportive and you grow in a friendly environment. They have a communication and leadership track and also ways to help you give impromtu speeches To keep it short, and to show you my growth, I have been the President of the club for the last two years and have VOLUNTARILY spoken in front of 60+ employees at my work. Go to: http://www.toastmasters.org/ and find a club near you. Very reasonable in price and well worth the experience! |
||
|
| <Tim J>
|
That was suppose to be 'impromptu' speeches above. Toastmasters can help you speak, the spelling is still up to you!
|
||
|
| <Mandy>
|
Hey,
 Yes i have a fear of public speaking as well. It seems thought that when i get up there im very comfertable and at peace after the first two minutes. But before that my hands get sweaty and my heart pounds like a hammer. One way i tried to get over this fear is to take come Dale Carnegie classes. They really didnt help that much.So my final message to all of you is THANKS, it helps knowing that theres others that have the same problem as me. The only person that can make you better is yourself. Remember that and wish me luck on my presentation this friday.... uh oh im nervous hahahaha  |
||
|
Good Pluba |
good luck Mandy
|
|||
|
| <Mandy>
|
Thanks!
Yeah il need it, its tommarow at 12, and all the big shots are going to be there....  |
||
|
| <Joan>
|
How did it go Mandy?
|
||
|
| Previous Topic | Next Topic | powered by eve community | Page 1 2 3 |
 | Please Wait. Your request is being processed... |
|
|||
| Site | Pluba Forums | ||
| Servlet | eve2da014 | ||
| Version | 1.2.22 build 9062 | ||
| Module | Forums 4.0.3 | ||
| Stylesheet | "Psycologists Bench Speakfreak" | ||
| Wordlet Set | "Default Wordlet Set" | ||
|
© Copyright Pluba.com 2001-2007.8
| View $GS_USERNAME's Public Profile |
| Add $GS_USERNAME to my Buddies |
| Add $GS_USERNAME to my Ignore List |
| Invite $GS_USERNAME to a Private Topic |
| View Recent Posts by $GS_USERNAME |
| Notify me of New Posts by $GS_USERNAME |