Shhhh Deep. We haven't released that book yet. It's a very closely guarded manuscript, even worse than Harry Potter. We have it locked in a safe, deep inside an underground vault because it not only has copies of the owner's training credentials, but their license to import dogs, AND the dogs registrations.

Wonderful, proposals Ank. Just a teensy problem. Being different topics and all, they require a separate book each, which means we get to charge you more. We got expenses too, and the illustrator doesnt' come cheap.

I got a potential best selling book in mind that apparently a lot of you could benefit from and should make me rich (Seriously.)

Title: “Breeding for profit for dummies.”
Sub title: “Everything you wanted to know about breeding sound dogs while making a healthy profit and were afraid to ask for fear of getting bashed and ridiculed.”

Content description :
Includes tips and trick on how to save on vet bills by treating your dogs yourself.
Dealing with AR whacos, so called “reputable breeders” and other people who are on a mission from god to prevent you from making an honest living.
How to successfully persecute those who attempt to defame and ruin your good reputation on internet forums.
How to stay anonymous, act and what to say or not to say when you are on a pet related forum so people will believe your BS.
How to get good breeding stock from breeders who try to hoard all the good stuff for themselves.
Dealing with your local AC officers, get them of your back and use them to take care of breeders you don’t like.
How to get rid of and gain an advantage over your competition.
Places and methods to market and sell your dogs.
What to say to potential buyers who call you with a list of question they got off the net.
How to manipulate and file your tax return to make it look like you make no money and save thousands on taxes.
Plus hundreds of essential tips and closely guarded secrets your competition does not want you to know about the breeding business to help you reduce your cost, make your life easier and to maximize your profit.

Purpose of book:
To help you breeding dogs the proper way while making a nice living doing it.

Price: $29.99

Now Abnormal, I did say we had standards. If you go back and read, you'll notice that at the beginning. One of the standards includes not printing total bullpuckey. However for a mere $150 an hour, we will rent you a backhoe to clean up the doo-doo that you spout. Your dogs must be up over the walls of their pens and stalls by now.

[Quote]Now now PA. If you expect me to donate a Pullet Prize, you will consider all submissions without chastisization. So far, content submissions are weight and meaty and with mega merit, so don't ruin your good thing. Suppose others of the BYB Organization over yonder were to submit winning contrivances? You would decline those submissions to avoid royalty payment? Good grief - are we to believe there are dishonourables amongst the Plubians now too? [Quote]


To which I will add, I will be making a submission for my book to you, albeit by proxy. It seems my credibility is being called into question, so expect my ideas and creative writings privately.

Henny, we have no prejudices except against being broke. We will publish anyone, anywhere, anytime. But you gotta have substance, something to offer the BYBing public. A list of rejects to follow.

Just as a guideline for you neophytes writers out there, here are some of our recent rejects:

-"My Life As A Troll". Sorry CK, Kinzel beat you to it.
-"The Animals I Have Bred". Out of respect for the animals who wish to remain anonymous, being embarassed to have had sex with you, we have declined this submission, Rose.
-"Me, Myself and Her". Nice try Pepper/Eagle, but we don't pay royalties to three people for one book.
-"How To Screw Your Friends By Keeping Kittens You Promised Them". Rejected because it would let the cat out of your bag, and we'd have fewer customers once everybody knew how it was done.
-"Puppies Without Papers: Lying To Buyers With A Straight Face". While an interesting proposal, and certainly one on which the author had lots of expertise, declined because it's against the law in at least one country, and we can't afford to be busted quite yet.
-"Flame Your Way To Fame". This was submitted by so many trolls, and people straddling the fence between this BYB center and the "other" that to be fair, we rejected them all.
-"If I Post Your Private Info, Will You Love Me In The Morning?" The answer is no dear, and we don't love you now.
-"How To Stretch A Message Board Thread to 42 Pages". Sorry tt, but the merle topic is already covered.

It might indeed tt. See the top of the thread for the submission guidelines and let us know just what kind of content you intend to include, and how you're going to cover the topic. You have to remember though, that you're writing for BYBs. This is not a market for material more suited to rocket scientists.

More rejects:

-"My Life As A Stud Muffin"
-"Sex, Lies and Pluba-ing"
-"The Animal in Me"
-"I Don't Stoop to Scoop"
-"Trolls, What Trolls?"
-"My Affair With Betty Mills"


All I can say is....we need to talk, Mod.

PA, you are on fire!!

Title: Wouldn't You Like to Know
Content description: a tell-all book of life, luxury, seaside adventures, and other wonders - to update the sad few whose 'knowledge' has acquired a year's worth of dust.
Purpose of book: entertainment purposes only.
Length: A woman never tells.
Your artwork or ours: author to retain photo rights of scenic shots for future coffee table book (in the works); as for those who have modeled, releases will be needed.
Price you want the book to sell for: one gold bar per sale - to add to my purported stash of it.
How much you expect in royalties: $0.02 as those who think they are in the 'know' have just about that to offer... Proviso: proceeds will be donated to a charitable cause - Basketweaving for Rhode Island Reds... an innovative, new tack for keeping idle hands from lives of crime.

Um, Lorr...you're not going to use those pictures of me at the nude beach are you?

Wow, we are doing such booming business, we had to add another staff member to the illustration dept.

Wow, whoever could you be talking about PA?

I have no idea what you are asking DD. We have a monkey for an illustrator, a la Koko and the fingerpainting. He works for bananas, so we got him an assistant. He works cheap too, but said the job appealed to him.

At last, we have some printable books!

Tolls for Trolls: How to make having tolls on your boards/chat rooms pay (Would let you have a peek at that ringlover but I'd have to charge you a toll)

Vegetarianism For Your Visla: forcing a meat-eating species to go Vegan

The Little Book of Backyard Breeders: 1147 volumes

Don’t Need No Stinking Vaccinations: Cutting costs through stupid measures

Mismate Shots: Correct your errors at the expense of your dogs

The Art of Distraction: How to deflect attention from your poor ethics and/or breeding practices by appealing for people’s sympathy and focusing attention on your personal hardships

Three’s A Crowd: The use of neuticles in monorchid dogs

What I Spend Entry Fees On: Thousands of puppy farming ways to spend the money not used to enter shows

Fear of Being Found Out: How to actually get into the show ring, with a dog, after claiming to have been planning it for more than six months minimum

My Life As A Show Handler: How I entered one show and completed one class.

Identifying Show Prospects At Birth: Comes with a blindfold.