Signs You Bought A Bad Computer

* Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.

* It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.

* In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.

* It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".

* The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.

* Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.

* The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"

* The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"

* The only chip inside is a Dorito.

* You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.

It's a small world, after all.

Running Windows 95

Customer: "I'm running Windows '95."

Tech Support: "Yes."

Customer: "My computer isn't working now."

Tech Support: "Yes, you said that."

It's a small world, after all.

Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support

"Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"

* "That's right, not even McGyver could fix it."

* "So -- what are you wearing?"

* "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

* "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilithium crystals, Cap'n."

* "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

* "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."

* "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

* "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

* "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."

* "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling around looking for landmark.

After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor.

The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy "Hey, where am I? To this, the solitary office worker replies "You're in a plane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.

The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. "Simple" replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just a while away."

Why E-Mail Is Like The Male Reproductive Organ


10. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.

9. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow made to feel inferior.

8. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.

7. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it (e-mail envy).

6. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.

5. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.

4. If you don't apply the appropriate measures, it can spread viruses.

3. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

2. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

1. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.

IS WINDOWS A VIRUS?



No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

They replicate quickly. (Okay, Windows does that)

Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so. (Okay, Windows does that)

Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk. (Okay, Windows does that, too)

Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. (Sigh... Windows does that, too)

Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow and the user will buy new hardware. (Yup, that's with Windows, too)

Until now it seems, Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So, Windows is *not* a virus!

thats all for now

Rob

The frog

A guy was walking beside a pond when a frog jumped out and told him that she was really a beautiful princess and if he were to kiss her, she would make him VERY happy! He picked up the frog and put it into his pocket.

A few minutes later, the frog poked her head out and said, "Didn't you hear me?! I'm a beautiful princess and if you kiss me I will stay with you and do ANYTHING you want!"

The guy took the frog out and said, "Look, I understand what you are saying, but I am a computer programmer and right now I don't have time for a girlfriend,........but a talking FROG is REALLY, REALLY COOL!"

Did you know?
Bill Gates is a Harvard University dropout.

Yow mac guy that joke about the plane
is hilarious,oh my God.
LOL PMS (peein ma self)Funny

haha!!
http://sendingfun.com/haha

This is great to send to anyone who complains of being bored.

Bored? Try....

This is the coolest!!!

Liquid Man I don't know how they did this---better yet, why? Surely keeps you busy playing with him.

http://www.electronicorphanage.com/neen/demo/clinger.swf

The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to
his chair before he dropped, exhausted.

His concerned wife was right there with a tall cool drink and
a consoling word.

"My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day
today. What happened to make you so exhausted?"

"It was terrible," her husband said, "The computer broke down
and all of us had to do our own thinking."